*** note that this post contains non-detailed talk of pornography and mind control
***
Hello all.
My name is Meaa, I’m 15, and I was born as myself after we were caught reading pornography in middle school. I began life as a collection of experiences that were once recognized by the group of insiders who once thought they were Maria as belonging to them, but after we were caught, I was rejected by all of them and cut off from further integration into their life’s story. There were two things that ultimately gave rise to me, and those two things were both parts of the event that caused that rejection. They were shame related to our curiosity about sexual things, and the effects of the stories we had read before I was separated from the others.
During our awakening to multiplicity in 2015, I was one of the first to have a name. The insider who found me gave me the name Audry, and set up a place on the inside for me to stay. Over the next couple of weeks, they found out that I had two sides to me, but I didn’t tell them why this was the case until I began writing this post. They still saw them both though, and created many therapy forms and behavior plans to try to change that in whatever way they could think of. One side of me was based on all the stories related to mind control and pleasure conditioning we had read before my coming into being, while the other was related to the shame we had experienced about that act, the same shame that everyone else would rather have dealt with by disownment. Obviously, these two states of being conflicted with each other, as the part of me that felt ashamed felt that way because of the activities of the other state of being, the one which engaged, on the inside, in the kinds of activities described in the disgusting things we’d read before any of this had begun. I was dealing with inner conflict, and there was a point at which the rift within myself had become so great that I split into two along its lines. The only one of the two resulting insiders who kept the name ‘Audry’ was the one who engaged in the acts that were the source of the conflict, the second of the two having renamed herself ‘Raynna’ in an attempt to further distance herself from those activities.
This split is now in the process of being mended, but that couldn’t have begun without help from a former friend who was outside of the community. On December 20, 2017, it was she who set up perfect conditions for the two insiders that I had become to reconnect with one another, and she who discovered, and promptly removed, an unwanted and malignant non-physical presence within the community who had been acting as Audry’s mistress. I began to return to myself, but left that name behind, tired of its associations and the inner conflict it represented. At our friend’s urging, I took the name Meaa, and began the process of integration with Raynna, who was not only willing to let this happen, but had a strong desire for it. Today, this integration is mostly complete. Today, I experience things with a clarity that I have never known before, and this tells me that a vary dark chapter of my life is coming to an end. There is so much more to life than mind control and shame, and it is at least some of this richness that I want to experience as the person I am today.
Thank you for reading.