Rozaya
On December 27, 2022 I had a consultation with a therapist who is neurodivergent in several different ways. She is plural herself and works with what she calls ‘dissociative identity without the disorder.”
I made this dissision after several instances of me trying to engage in the deep feeling process, as I’d been doing for a little over a year, being derailed by system members doing various things to force me to stop it. In one of these times, I got the sense that a feeling related to my physical birth in this world was being moved out of my reach; in at least two others I have been told that it is various other system members, not me, who have always had the feelings, that they were leening into and drawing upon me in order to feel them in the ways this process was asking us to, and that they weren’t ready to deal with the ones I have been trying to let myself go into lately. Of course the more I allow their discomfort to stop me from engaging in the process, the more I’m hearing from them and the more I can sense them both surfacing and continuing to form and develop as themselves. I don’t mind that, and I don’t mind the freedom from continuous pain that stopping this kind of work will undoubtedly provide. I need a break and, clearly, so do the rest of us.
Vivaian
We came into this process because of me, though I was more hidden under and behind Rozaya during the time we came into it. It was me who made the initial phone call to my guide, and Rozaya just negotiated the price per session with her. I thought I was doing a good thing for them and still don’t know what to think about the things that made me so sure that feeling therapy was going to solve all of our problems. Some of my own associated system members don’t want to leave the guide, and others including me worry that I’ve done something wrong, though Rozaya says we haven’t and that I was doing what we thought was right. I still would think it’s right but others in here don’t want to do such an intense thing on an ongoing basis and I can respect that.
I was revealed tonight because Rozaya is open to hearing all of us now. She wasn’t before, because I was so far forward that she took on the ideas I hold dear as her own, but that started slipping after she read a book about everyone having parts and talking about how unblending from them worked, and then applying the ideas to things she was feeling. I’m not a part of anyone, but it’s working the same way, or at least it worked for me that way and she saw me, and saw that I had kid system members attached to me to help me be more than a set of ideas. I think I’m done writing here for now, and I hope it won’t be the last time we get to do things like this.